A couple of days ago I came across this diary entry and my heart broke – I was 12 years old.
11 years later, I still remember this day. What I don’t write about is the fact that this wasn’t the first time, it had happened many times before but this time I couldn’t deny that it happened because a friend saw it too. This time was different because it was after another 5 surgery which included an emergency one and created the longest of my scars. The one that sits at the bottom of my stomach and creates a “roll of fat” that I was so embarrassed of. What I also don’t say is that, it did affect me and it was something I fretted about… FOR YEARS. At that age, I couldn’t talk about it and definitely couldn’t write about it. I thought that if I was honest about how I felt, those feelings would get worse and I couldn’t bear the thought of that. I also worried that someone would find my diary and believed it would be the most mortifying discovery.
It doesn’t take my psychology degree to realise that because I felt out of control in my body and I had no control over my changed appearance – I sought control elsewhere. Because I couldn’t change my scars, I decided to change my weight. In my 12 year old mind, I think I am just changing topics but as an adult now, it is glaringly obvious it is the same problem, the same cause and the same discomfort.
I was 12 years old and diet culture was soooo engrained in me. There are actually younger diary entries from when I was 8, and I had gone to the gym and I was so proud to have lost 7 lbs and it really makes me so sad that at such a young age, these worries are already being embedded. DIET CULTURE IS STARTING SO YOUNG AND THIS MUST STOP.
I truly believe the cure to this is intuitive eating. I discuss this in more detail in the video and if you are thinking of trying it yourself the video acts as good preparation for the difficulties you may face in the first week.
Click the link below and let’s start to notice all these lies that diet culture taught to us