As some of you will have seen I made a video about body confidence in the gym. What you don’t know is that I actually had already filmed it months ago but then had to redo it because the file crashed. And that the day after I refilmed it was the first time I was going back to the gym since hospital. I went to a dance class and I nearly fainted.
I clearly needed to take more time to recover but that step back was so psychologically difficult for me. The thing I hate most about hospital, isn’t the pain or the boredom but how powerless and helpless I feel in my own body. The gym really helps me with that so when I tried to jump back into everything and found that I couldn’t, I was even more demoralised.
Yesterday was my first day back, I booked a session with a personal trainer . It was the first time I have gone to a personal trainer in 8 years because every time I go to one, they push my body past my limitations and I usually end up in so much pain in my neck and shoulders that I have to go to a physio but I really wanted to get some new lighter easier exercises that could build up my abdominal muscles that are gone from all the times they’ve been cut through. This time I took the time to search for someone experienced and completely disclosed all my medical history. In the past, I thought it wasn’t relevant… but it is! It so is! And I need to swallow my pride and admit it occasionally.
I’m so happy to report, this time was so different. It was so empowering to actually know I am respecting my body by respecting my limitations. Not disabled, just diverse. Watch the video below!