Why I am in Body Positivity

June 11, 2017

– I worried more about my head being shaved than a brain surgery
– I worried more about the scar that was created in a 12 hour surgery than whether I would survive that surgery
– I worried about having a permanent bald patch on my head more than I did about the fact I had a brain tumour
– I worried about weight gain when I started eating after 3 months, rather than celebrating the fact that I was recovered enough to let food pass my lips
– I worried about my hair falling out from the multiple surgeries more than I worried about the effect of that anaesthesia on my body
– I worried about how slow I was running instead of being grateful for my ability to move
– I worried more about what people would say about my body than the fact that my body still worked
– I worried more about not being treated like a “weirdo” than processing my emotions
– I worried if my body would be the deciding factor to not date me than the fact that the person I date must be there to support my illnesses too
– I worried more about the stigma of mental and physical illness more than I worried about myself

AND MOST OF ALL… I am in body positivity because each sentence above was written in the past tense and that is only possible because of body positivity.

My body positivity is intrinsically linked to my hospital experiences. Every serious incident came with superficial worries about the consequence on my appearance. Every day when I should have been thinking about very real life or death situations, I instead worried about what I looked like.

It’s why I continue to embrace my scars and why they symbolise more than the physical marks on my body. In every sense of the word, I am Scarred Not Scared #scarrednotscared