You Can’t See Pain

June 25, 2017

Your body and your mind don’t always cooperate and to me, body positivity is also about loving your body even when it’s not cooperating.

Growing up, the times when I hated my body most was when it forced me to stay in bed instead of doing something I loved and wanted to do. These headaches would always come at the worst time, on days I had been looking forward to for weeks. The first time I remember was when I was 7, I had spent months preparing for the final round of a nationwide maths competition. We had beat all other schools and my team was in the final. Maths was my favourite subject and everyone else in the team hated it but of course, that day, of all days, I woke up with the worst migraine and had to stay home. I sobbed all day and have never hated my body more than that day. I spent the whole day wishing for a different body and couldn’t stand the fact that my body was what was getting in the way of my dreams. And all I could think is I would have rather gone ahead and done it, regardless of the pain.

Now that I’m an adult, I can make those decisions for myself and so yes, sometimes I choose to push through it. That’s what happened last week (picture on the left) when I was invited to be on radio, to a book launch and to a livestream. I pushed through it and I’m so glad I did!

I have never had such a good day, despite my headache. It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t responsible but it was worth it and even though I’m smiling in the picture, remember a smile can hide a lot of things.

The picture on the right however, my health was fine but it was my mind that was wreaking havoc. I was in a really bad place mentally.
It’s really easy to be kind and loving to your body when you are in good health and it’s really easy to be kind and loving in your head when you are in a good place mentally but it’s the moments when you aren’t that matter most. Both these moments I had to use every resource to keep my self love intact and not beat myself up for not being at my best.

It’s why body positivity is so needed. Mental health and physical health aren’t linked and pain can’t always be seen. #scarrednotscared