Happy Not Healthy.

September 3, 2017

“Wishing you a happy and healthy baby!”
“We don’t mind if we have a boy or girl, as long as my baby’s healthy”

That’s all parents dream of, right?
Happy and healthy.
Well that’s unfortunately not what my parents got.
Instead they got a child that needed 15 surgeries to reach adulthood.
They got a baby that had a condition that threatens her life and lowers her life expectancy.
And that used to break my heart.

Everytime someone would say this in front of me, I used to wonder if my parents were disappointed when I was born.

(My parents are amazing!) But each time I was hospitalised, I would see the pain their eyes and wonder if their life would be easier without me?
They wouldn’t have had such a burden.
I wouldn’t have caused all this pain to see me in pain.
I wouldn’t have caused all the anxiety every time I got ill.
Everytime I went into surgery, I used to worry how they would spend the time waiting and how much stress they must be under.

All this was a heavy weight for a child and I kept all of it to myself.
I didn’t talk about any of this because I refused to add to their problems by talking about my problems.
But that wasn’t the solution.
Never keep it bottled in, please talk to someone!

No, my parents didn’t get “happy and healthy”.
But they definitely got happy.
Enough happy to overcompensate for the lack of healthy.
And enough wisdom to know there is nothing to compensate for. #ScarredNotScared