December 25, 2017

I have PCOS. It’s something which I haven’t spoken about and most my family don’t even know. It’s been about 5 years and my diagnosis was gradual and started with a “there’s a thing that you could potentially have”, turned into “it’s likely you have it” to “I thought I already told you, you had it”. 5 years ago, that diagnosis also meant adjusting to two main symptoms: weight gain and problematic skin and it was tough but it just was weaved into my body positive journey. I still didn’t talk about it though. Every time I mentioned it, it felt like a justification for who I was and what I looked like.

Why do I have to tell people I have PCOS, in order for them to stop making comments about my weight and my skin?
My health is my business and I don’t owe anyone my medical record to make who I am, valid and acceptable.

The reason why I’m mentioning this now is because I’m going through another adjustment. For the last few months, my PCOS has had even worse symptoms. It’s pretty much taken me out for the last 3 days. I’ve been in a lot of pain, my whole body aches, I’ve had no energy and the cramps are so bad. But today, I woke up and the cloud lifted.

It’s not gone, but it’s subsided and I feel back to me. I’ve had a lot of messages yesterday and the day before concerned that I looked off or seemed down and just wanted to say, all is ok, just adjusting.

It’s just growing pains. It’s my new favourite phrase that one of you lovely ones sent me.

If any of you are going through a change or a diagnosis, remember that although the diagnosis is often not temporary, the feelings around it are. Holding onto the fact that feelings, including pain, is temporary has got me through so much… even it’s not true, it’s a convenient belief. One that definitely got me through my surgeries and so much more ? #ScarredNotScared
PS just got my hair done (thanks @salon64london ) so feeling all swish ???? also only just noticed that the hair cut emoji actually has longer hair than the girl emoji. It’s the small things ?