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A Lot Can Change In A Year

February 17, 2018

Do not underestimate how much you can change in a year.
This is a woman who used to be scared of public speaking.

One of my commitments for 2017 was to like public speaking. I was doing it so often and had been for three years that frankly, the amount of energy I put into the fear before an event and the exhaustion after an event was too much so I was determined. I was going to double the number of speaking engagements I had ever done and I was going to keep going until I had a moment on stage, having fun.

Well it happened, it might’ve taken all year but I achieved that commitment during my TedX talk. It was right after I joked about exposing my arse to the world, I look down at my hands, smiled and in my head I’m saying to myself “this is fucking cool”, and then I continue on with my speech with the audience none the wiser that I had this little epiphany, a breaking point.

But I want to celebrate that old me. The old me who did it anyway for three long years and continuously got up there even though she hated it, even though she was scared. Fun fact: The talk I did before TedX, I got off stage and despite knowing logically and rationally, I did OK, not my best but OK. I got off the stage, ran to the bathroom and cried. Then I called my best friend and begged her to talk to me about anything other than my speech for 5 minutes so I could face going back into the room.

The old me was brave, and she built the new me: the one who loves public speaking!
Going into 2018, I wanted to share this with you because sticking to your commitments is not easy. It is not glamorous. It is worth it though! 2017 was the year I learnt that my voice is powerful, my message is needed and whatever I need to do to get myself to raise my voice, I will do.

As I said in my TedX talk “I can’t control my thoughts but I could control what came out of my mouth”. Even when I thought I was shit and my internal thoughts kept telling me to shut up and sit down, I stood up and carried on public speaking because that’s the only way I know how to shut that inner critic down: do exactly the opposite of what it’s telling you to do. Do not underestimate how much you can change in a year.

One of my commitments for 2017 was to like public speaking. I was doing it so often and had been for three years that frankly, the amount of energy I put into the fear before an event and the exhaustion after an event was too much so I was determined. I was going to double the number of speaking engagements I had ever done and I was going to keep going until I had a moment on stage, having fun.

Well it happened, it might’ve taken all year but I achieved that commitment during my TedX talk. It was right after I joked about exposing my arse to the world, I look down at my hands, smiled and in my head I’m saying to myself “this is fucking cool”, and then I continue on with my speech with the audience none the wiser that I had this little epiphany, a breaking point.

But I want to celebrate that old me. The old me who did it anyway for three long years and continuously got up there even though she hated it, even though she was scared. Fun fact: The talk I did before TedX, I got off stage and despite knowing logically and rationally, I did OK, not my best but OK. I got off the stage, ran to the bathroom and cried. Then I called my best friend and begged her to talk to me about anything other than my speech for 5 minutes so I could face going back into the room.

The old me was brave, and she built the new me: the one who loves public speaking!
Going into 2018, I wanted to share this with you because sticking to your commitments is not easy. It is not glamorous. It is worth it though! 2017 was the year I learnt that my voice is powerful, my message is needed and whatever I need to do to get myself to raise my voice, I will do.

As I said in my TedX talk “I can’t control my thoughts but I could control what came out of my mouth”. Even when I thought I was shit and my internal thoughts kept telling me to shut up and sit down, I stood up and carried on public speaking because that’s the only way I know how to shut that inner critic down: do exactly the opposite of what it’s telling you to do. Do not underestimate how much you can change in a year.

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