I was really ill the day of the @love_disfigure photoshoot.
I almost forgot how ill I was until the photos came out and I remembered my little protruding bloated belly! Doesn’t it look so much squishier?! 😍
But I still went, despite feeling less than well. This is one of the perks of being an adult. I hated that as a child, my illness was always out of my control and I would be yanked out of participating in my own life to go rest. I would often lie as a result. I’d pretend I wasn’t ill. I’d conceal my headaches. I went years not telling the truth about the extent of my pain because I hated that it always resulted in cancelling plans.
It’s not responsible to push through pain. I’m aware of that. But when you live with a chronic illness, it means more than anything to be given a choice. Yes, it’s irresponsible but being frank, if I sat out every time my body told me no, I would have no life. So yes I push through.
We underestimate the importance of choice and control. That’s what you lose in hospital. That’s what I’ve gained as an adult. So yes self care is important and yes, if I acted in accordance with self love, I would have stayed at home. But sometimes the memories are more important.
This is why we must look at self care and self love in a nuanced way. We can’t always use these blanket statements about self love and we sometimes have to bend the rules in order to live our best life.
#ScarredNotScared
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Photo by the loveliest @sophiemayanne