What I’ve Learnt About Giving Advice

August 2, 2018

I’m going to be honest…. (what a silly phrase, aren’t I always?! 😂) This year has felt like it’s been one shitshow after another. I just get back on my feet, and then another blow, and another. And another. Every other year of my life, I am the go-to advice giver in my friendships. I am also the go-to comfort giver. I am basically “the strong friend” but this year has meant its been me on the receiving end of comfort and advice. Because of this, I’ve really learnt who to go to in times of need and ultimately, that there is a way to comfort someone that makes them feel better and a way that makes it all worse.

Here’s what I’ve learnt:
1) When someone feels guilt or is being hard on themselves, do not pile on more guilt or shame. They already know what they’ve done and their inner voice is punishment enough
2) Asking for help is not selfish. It also doesn’t make you weak
3) Never tell someone they shouldn’t feel the way that they feel
4) The only way to get rid of an emotion is to go through it
5) Good things can happen. That joy is legitimate but do not use it as a blanket to cover over all the other crap in your life that needs processing
6) Sometimes people don’t need a solution, they just need you to listen. Specify which one you want.
7) Some things will make you cry. Some will not. You don’t need tears to legitimise your pain
8) When you ask for help, the most unexpected people sometimes turn up and sometimes the ones you expect to, won’t. That will hurt like hell
9) People care about you