Michelle Elman

Author | Speaker | Life Coach

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@scarrednotscared on IG

Don’t let the pictures fool you, this party anim

Don’t let the pictures fool you, this party animal was asleep by midnight. And she didn’t even go home to sleep, she just made herself at home upstairs 👀

In all seriousness, if you’ve been watching my stories, you’ll know I’ve not been feeling great but I refused to miss @mynameisjoeley ‘s birthday party.
At this point in my life, the idea of missing out on my life is worse than physical pain.
Being in pain is one thing but the thing that frustrated me most as a child was never being allowed to choose and anytime a headache struck, I was ripped away from my life.
So as an adult, and once I found a friend group that supported me, I will often choose life.
Even with a few amendments.
I share it in “Am I Ugly?” but the first time I chose to be honest about a headache was in the middle of a prelash, they told me to go nap, they brought me water and a chocolate bar, I slept through the prelash and they picked me up on the way to the club.
I’ve been so lucky in the fact I haven’t had to do that for years but when my health took a dip a few weeks back, I knew what to do.
I just need to lie down if I don’t feel well so I texted ahead asking if I started to feel poorly, I could just pop upstairs and climb into a bed, my friends said of course.
So that I did.
Once my energy pooped out, I went up and took a little nap. Even managed to resurface to see Joeley’s birthday in at midnight and then went back to bed until it was home time.
We move, we party and we sleep if we need to, we can do it ALL and until they hook me up to an IV or some hospital machine, I’m in charge and I’m not stopping life.
That said, don’t always believe pictures. People who have dealt with illness their whole lives, can hide it really well, it doesn’t undermine or diminish their pain and it doesn’t mean they are being irresponsible.
It means we all deserve to have fun and sometimes forgetting about your pain for an evening is the best cure for body, mind and spirit.
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Jumpsuit from the wonderful @carriehopefletcher and her collection with @joanieclothing (gifted)

BOOK EVENTS ARE BACK!! I was so gutted that I cou

BOOK EVENTS ARE BACK!!

I was so gutted that I couldn’t do book events when The Joy of Being Selfish came out so to celebrate the launch of the paperback on 6th January, we finally are doing an event in person and we are going to talk all things boundaries!

There is no one I would want to do an event with more than my OG babe, the light of my life and gem of a soul @meganjaynecrabbe . We have both gone on quite the journey of discovering online boundaries together as we grew from Insta babies to the empowered women we are today and through that journey we learnt how to stand up for ourselves and use our voice and we can’t wait to include you in our little DMC

I’m also thrilled to be returning to @waterstonesbromley , the home of our first event together. Fun fact: mine and Megan’s last event holds their record for the best turn out and well we had to return to defend our record 💁🏻‍♀️

The link is in my stories to get a ticket, swipe across for more details and you can get your ticket with or without a copy of my book or Megan’s book and we will both be doing signings

Start next year off right and get yourself a ticket 🎉

There’s a certain kind of trauma that stays with

There’s a certain kind of trauma that stays with you when a person dumps you for going into hospital.
For years, I understood his decision. After all, if I had the choice, I wouldn’t choose it so why would he?
Well 19 year old Michelle, because supporting someone through illness is not the same as being actually ill.
It’s not a choice to be ill or not, it’s a choice to be a decent human and he picked the wrong choice.
So often, people with chronic illnesses are told they are burden or that the only people who will date them, will only stick around as long as they are healthy.
At the very least, if you try to hide your illness, they might stick around longer.
If you have read “Am I Ugly?”, you’ll know 19 year old me called it “convenient love”. Love that would disappear the moment it got hard.
Well I have news for 19 year old me, you are wrong. You are so very wrong!
For every guy who bails when you get ill, there’s another who will ask you “how’s your head?” continuously for four weeks straight.
For every guy who ghosts when you get hospitalised, there is one who asks what time your appointments are, remembers and calls you to check how it went every god damn day.
Cause that’s what people do when you have basic compassion and care about the people in your life!
Having to unlearn this, has been a trip from not apologising for being miserable, stopping pretending you are fine when you aren’t so you don’t ruin a date to actually sharing the details because if you keep it a secret, it actually prevents intimacy and connection and often the other party feel like they aren’t being trusted.
So 19 year old me (and anyone else you might think this), spend less time crying about the first guy and you’ll be on the path to finding the second.
Life brings hard stuff, whether it’s chronic illness, grief or life changes and you deserve someone who’s steady enough to stick around for both.
We only date decent humans from now until forever, please and thank you 💁🏻‍♀️
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Dress: @annascholz (gifted)

I have been exhausted for the last month. I kept a

I have been exhausted for the last month.
I kept asking myself “why” and going down the rabbit hole of self-punishing thoughts from thinking that I’m weak to thinking I’m making a big deal out of nothing.
But then I stop.
First, I know I’m a tough one so it’s clearly not nothing.
Then I realise I don’t want to take pride in my toughness and that it’s a beautiful thing to be soft.
Then I remind myself that rest is important and I deserve it no matter how tough or soft I am.
I spent the first five months of this year alone and at some point, life went back to normal, without us all pausing for a second.
In school, we used to call this time of year, end-of-term-itis, it’s the home stretch, when you’ve run of energy and you just want the term to end so you could take a break.
So if you are exhausted, I want to remind you we are still in a pandemic.
However you are coping, it is perfect.
If you are exhausted, it is normal.
If you are tapped out and drained, that is a totally appropriate reaction to the last 2 years.

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